


I'm right over here (can you see me?)

by blumyoon



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: Angst, F/M, I Tried, Maya Hart-centric, Minor Lucas Friar/Riley Matthews, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Out of Character, a lot of italics, but i get it, honestly send me hate for that, i guess, i was sad, sorry - Freeform, they don't end up together, they're just idiots, too angsty for disney
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-22 10:46:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15580251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blumyoon/pseuds/blumyoon
Summary: Maya comes back to earth, she remembers her name and how nothing was ever that easy.or, Maya just wants to be a good friend and if that means hiding her feelings for Lucas and suffer, then so be it.





	I'm right over here (can you see me?)

**Author's Note:**

> whop, so like i wrote this a long time go but wasn't really happy how it turned out so i deleted it and edited it and all that,,,,,,,,, it also wasn't as angsty as i intended so yeah

Maya likes to think that she's over it, that she really didn't like Lucas like she thought she did and that Josh was right.

After all, she _did_ say she didn't like Lucas like that. She only approached Lucas to show Riley how easy it is to talk to boys and not because she really wanted to talk to him, she only liked to make fun of him because he's just great and she needs to keep his feet on the ground, not because she liked the way Lucas smiled when she did it, and definitely _didn't_ like that Lucas referred to her as "Blonde Beauty". Let alone say that her heart _didn't_ skip a beat when Lucas said that he wanted her to be happy.

Sadly, Maya had a habit of convincing herself of things that weren't true.

She only told Lucas that she'd never spoken to him again if he rode the bull because she didn't want to see him doing such stupid thing, not because she couldn't bear to see the boy she was in love with get hurt. She just didn't want to see him doing it, what's the big deal?

So when she was left alone with Lucas in the campfire and her hands started sweating and he asked her if she liked him Maya doesn't know why she didn't have an explanation. She doesn't even know why Lucas was asking her if she liked him, how did he get to that conclusion anyway?

She tells him that it's not true, she just likes making fun of him but Lucas must see right through her because he doesn't believe it. Maya remembers it like it happened a few seconds ago, Lucas asks her to stop and she's also confused because Lucas didn't seem to have a problem with it before, almost as if he loved it. Maya didn't know how to say that she didn't want to because then, how could she get a perfect view of him laughing when she _ha-_ hurrs him?

So she doesn't think of a better idea than to do it now, to show Lucas how ridiculous he was being.

Maya cries at the thought of it, because if only, if only she just keep her mouth shut and ignored Lucas then she wouldn't be suffering right now. Maybe Lucas wouldn't have placed his hands on her cheeks and make Maya think _'this is it, he's really going to kiss me, he's going to kiss me, he's going to-'_

Lucas is just so close and Maya couldn't even think of something else besides his lips. It's pathetic, really, how much she wants him to kiss her.

But then Maya comes back to earth, she remembers her name and how nothing was ever that easy. The warm of Lucas' body is missing, he's there, looking at her like he's trying to figure something out, the only noise being the music coming from the dinner a few minutes away, the fire keeps them warm but Maya _still_ feels cold. Is like she knows that Lucas stopped because he realized he shouldn't be doing this. He shouldn't even be with her right now, let alone a few centimeters away from kissing her. Maya thinks they're going to stare at each other until one of the boys comes and asks what was happening and she would have to tell them everything, she would have to tell Riley that she liked Lucas and- Lucas lets go of her.

 

_"why did you do that?" she says_

_"I- I don't know, I just wanted you to stop"_

_"And you couldn't think of another way to stop me?"_

_"Not at the time, no!" he exclaims._

 

Maya likes to think Lucas did want to kiss her, maybe just for a second, she sometimes likes to think that Lucas liked her the same way she liked him. And sometimes fantasizes about how things could've gone if she had answered Lucas honestly.

 

_"because I like you" she would say and Lucas would look even more confused so she would have to explain it to him, "seems like you haven't notice that I suck at feelings, anyways, I thought- I don't know, that making fun of you would have you notice me and- uh... like me or something"_

_and then Lucas would laugh at her "that's so stupid"_

_And maybe she'll laugh with him because its true, and then they'll kiss._

 

But that's not how things went so she has to live with the consequences.

The school dance was something Maya didn't look forward to, she liked the food and that some of her classmates would sneak vodka and put it on the drinks, having the chance to drink at school was kinda fun, she felt thirteen again for thinking that drinking was cool but still took another cup. It made things more bearable. It felt weird too, the teacher's didn't seem to actually care, she was sure anyone could smell the alcohol in the juice but no one said anything. She wasn't going to, either.

The music wasn't that bad, they had played her favorite songs which made her think that maybe she was going mainstream, couples were more noticeable; in the way to the bathroom, she saw two girls being maybe a little more friendly than expected.

It was like she was in an alternative universe where she could drink in school, her favorite songs were being played and people could show their feelings without being afraid.

She smiles, _it's fucking amazing._

She takes a sip of her drink and goes to her table, almost everyone is dancing and having fun, they all seem happy and Maya is too.

It doesn't last much, as expected.

She knew that Riley had come with Lucas (Maya helped her pick a dress in Lucas' favorite color) she wasn't surprised when she saw her in a pretty blue dress with her hands on Lucas and smiling like a fool, they were laughing loud and sweetly, like those couples on tv. Maya smiles sadly because she knows Riley had dreamed about this moment for a while, she wanted to be a good friend and be happy for her, but at the same time she couldn't look away from Lucas' hands;  they were on Riley's back, on her hips, cheeks, everywhere (where the fuck are teachers when you need them?) and maybe alcohol was affecting Maya because she could feel the strong grip he had.

It's like she goes back to a month ago and suddenly she wants to cry.

Why can she see how deeply in love they are? How Riley tries to pretend her cheeks don't hurt from how much she has laugh? Lucas eyes on her lips asking for permission? Why can Maya see this? It's not fair, it's not, _it's not, it's not, it's not!_

Lucas looks at Riley with those eyes and pulls her closer ( _Maya's heart does that thing_ ) they smile at each other and their lips touch ( _crush, crush, is that her mind telling her something or is that the sound of her heart?_ ) she remembers the campfire and how she could have felt Lucas lips on her, she stares at it like a fucking creep. She wants to be Riley, she wants to be Riley so bad.

Fuck Josh, fuck him and everyone that told her that she had become Riley just to see if Lucas was good enough for her, of course, Lucas was good enough for Riley, they were practically made for each other. Fuck him for making her think that her liking Lucas was not actually her. Fuck him, fuck him! Because all Maya can wish right now is to be Riley, she wants to be her so then Lucas would love her and kiss her in the school dance and look at her like she is the fucking sun.

She should've had expected the night to not go as good as Riley was saying, the first sign was Riley talking non-stop about Lucas and how would he react to her in such a pretty dress, the second was saying about how much fun they had at the campfire. Maya was about to excuse herself because as much as she knows how support she should be about Riley and Lucas, she just couldn't. Then, to make it worse, Lucas called Riley and they talked for what felt like an eternity. Maya couldn't take her eyes off of Riley and the big smile that adorned her face. Maya noticed how much their relationship was changing, at least from her side, Riley acted like always. Things were starting to fall apart again, every time she looked at Lucas all she could see was the campfire, his lips, and his hands on her cheeks, she can't forget how much she wanted that kiss, how desperate she was to feel his lips on hers and- and then there was Riley, beside her. Riley, who was her best friend and was always there for her. _And would be with her no matter what Maya did._

She doesn't think she deserves Riley at all. Riley, who deserves nothing but the best but instead got Maya, who couldn't be happy for her friend because of her stupid feelings and had to fake a smile every time she mentioned the person that was making her happy.

Riley and Lucas, her best friends, who were made for each other and would probably have tons of baby and live a happily married life.

Maya Hart, who couldn't find it in her to be happy about it.

She wants to disappear because even if she doesn't want to admit it, she sometimes wishes she was Riley so then Lucas would like her back and they could kiss and touch and look at each other like they just discovered the universe in each other's eyes.

Maya couldn't even look at them in the eyes without feeling like a piece of shit. All she does is think about how much and long can she take before she explodes. How many times would she had to witness Riley talking about how good Lucas treats her, how they had so much fun on their date, how Lucas would buy her flowers and make her feel like a princess.

She doesn't think she has it in her to watch them kiss and notice how much they like each other.

She doesn't realize she's crying until someone says her name. 

One of Maya's teacher is looking at her with a frown like he knows she was crying and for a moment Maya thinks he's going to ask her what was wrong, but then he sees the plastic cup on the table and he looks at her with _that_ look.

Maya understands it. Is the look she has received all her life, _'why did I expect something different from you?'_

"Miss Hart, I suppose you must be going through something hard," he says, and Maya, delusionally, thinks that he would let her get away with it, "but bringing alcohol to school goes against the rules and it could end up in a suspension, you know that right?"

Maya nods, she notices how one of the kids from her class gives her a look and goes to the exit with a group.

"I know, but it wasn't me"

Maya can read the teacher and she knows he's thinking she did it, _why bother lying, Miss Hart?_

"It wasn't you but this is your third time drinking from it and didn't cross your mind telling someone that the juice tasted weird?" he says

And Maya is tired, _just kick me out then, stop asking so many questions._

"You'll have to go, Miss Hart, expect a call tomorrow from the principal," he says and stands farther away, telling Maya that he'll walk her out of the school.

Maya is not amazed by it, she knows the reputation she has, but bringing alcohol to school it's not her style. She's quite angry that she was the one caught, her breath didn't give her away and she knows this is just her luck because earlier, when not even all the teachers were there, she saw how some kids were already tipsy and yet no one seems to notice it. 

Of course, it has to be me who is not even as drunk as I would want, who else?

She feels eyes on her, she hears the _'yeah, it was her who put alcohol on the drinks, I'm not surprised though' 'what did you expect from her?'_ It wasn't the first time Maya got the blame for something she didn't do, she was fine with it, if that was the reputation she had then she'll have to live to it. 

_"you have to blame someone so, who's better than me?"_

She stands up not letting go of the cup, gives one last look at the dance floor and Lucas is looking at her, Riley nowhere in sight. Maya doesn't think much of it, but Lucas is looking at her with sadness in his eyes and she doesn't understand. Is not the first time he had seen her get in trouble, the last time being a few weeks ago, and Lucas had rather a disapproving one. She still gives him a smile and a thumbs up, _it's fine_.

 

_"Don't you ever get tired of people thinking you're always the bad one?"_

_"Maybe I actually am"_

_Lucas only looks away._

 

She couldn't count how many time Lucas would sigh and tell her not to take the blame for others, she would say that it didn't matter and they'll continue with their routine.

It was always an 'I can't believe this is happening again', and Maya was used to it by now. Always looking at her with that dad-look. But now it was different, she wants to know why he's so sad when it isn't that big of a deal for her. It's so strange that she makes the attempt to go to him, a hand stopping her, and the teacher telling her that she has to go with him.

Maya knew it was a matter of time for Lucas to get tired of her, she knew there was going to be a day where he wouldn't even try to argue with a teacher because there must be a misunderstanding. There was going to be a day where Lucas would realize that Maya has no fixing. He'll realize there's only so much you can do for someone who doesn't want any help and will get out of her life.

But that doesn't mean Maya is ready for that day.

She wants to argue and tell him that she needs a few minutes, but as soon as she opens her mouth Lucas turns around and leaves.

 

_"Stop telling me what to do, I'm not your kid"_

_"You sure act like one, stop acting like this, it's not 'cool'"_

_"What are you, my dad? Who says 'cool'? And who told you I liked the way everyone looks at me? Do you actually think I like it?"_

_"If you didn't then you'll put a stop to it"_

_"Do you really think is that easy? Fuck off, you know nothing"_

_"It's not like you want to tell me anything anyway, you act like you want someone to notice that something's wrong, but when I try to help you just push me away"_

 

No one is paying attention to her now, everyone going back to dance, but Maya feels like everyone in the room can hear how her heart stops pumping, yet is like they don't care, they don't notice that her heart is laying on the dance floor, they don't notice how they're crushing it with a smile on their faces enjoying the music. 

 

_"You couldn't help anyways"_

_"how do you know if you don't try?"_

_Maya wants to tell Lucas the problem is him, even when she knows is her._

_"you couldn't even if you wanted to, Lucas"_

_"how do you know if you don't try?"_

_Maya wants to tell Lucas the problem is him, even when she knows is her._

_"you couldn't even if you wanted to, Lucas"_

_And Lucas seems devastated like he knows what Maya is talking about._

_"I think I also have a problem, Maya"_

_But doesn't say it, because if he does then it would make it real. And they both know how that would turn out._

_Maybe they're both the problem._

**Author's Note:**

> did y'all get the ending or i just suck


End file.
